Fibromyalgia and Sex
the unspoken reality
When I talk to friends with Fibromyalgia, the topic of sex rarely comes up, but when it does it’s the discussion is rarely positive.
“He wants it but I just can’t”
Occasionally, I hear from someone who began their marriage with Fibro and sex was never a big issue because it was never a part of the relationship. However, that’s rarely the case. Most of us started off somewhat healthy, with at least some level of sexual drive and enjoyment.
Most relationships start with lots of sex in the beginning and then slowly decrease as the relationship matures. This is true regardless of health issues. For those of us with Fibromyalgia, however, sometimes the decrease is sudden not gradual. Just as with everything else in our lives we may have gone from 60 to 0 in no time at all.
Related: The Signs & Symptoms of Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia and Sex
Why does Fibromyalgia impact our sex lives so much?3 reasons why #Fibromyalgia can kill a great sex life. Click To Tweet
- Pain – The biggest reason that our sex lives are affected by fibromyalgia is simply pain. Often it hurts even to be touched. This affects not just our sex lives, but our overall intimacy. When you can’t even be touched by the person you love it’s really hard to have any sort of physical intimacy. No huggy, no kissy! It sucks. It’s not like we want this, we want to touch the people we love, we want to hold them and have them hold us. The worst part is that we are in a state where we need that intimacy the most, but we can’t have it. Even if we can handle basic touch, our muscles are often so sore that the positions required for sex are difficult and often painful. And, we haven’t even gotten to insertion and what sorts of pain may be going on there.
- Fatigue – Chronic pain is the hallmark of Fibromyalgia, but fatigue comes right along with it. Honestly, most of the time we just don’t feel like doing anything, and sex is the last thing in our minds. When you barely have the energy to get off the couch, the mere suggestion of sex can be exhausting. “Ok, you go ahead just don’t wake me up.”
- Depression – More often than not after dealing with pain and fatigue for months on end, depression follows. The sad truth about depression is that it may be the most selfish time in a person’s life. All we are thinking about is ourselves and what we are going through. We have nothing left to give to anyone else. For those of us dealing with fibromyalgia, depression can (in a way) make it easier to deal with the lack of sex. We simply aren’t thinking about sex, the way we would if we weren’t depressed. Without depression, we are thinking about sex and feeling extremely guilty that we aren’t giving our spouses what they need (even if we have no desire for it ourselves), but once depression kicks in, we don’t even care about our own needs, let alone anyone else’s needs. We don’t care about anything, including sex.
For many of us, Fibromyalgia and sex go together like oil and water. They don’t play well. Even if we can make it through sex without being in agony, we often end up so worn out by it that we can’t do much when we are done.
And, this doesn’t even taken into account the many other co-related issues that often come with Fibromyalgia that impact sex, as well. Things like Endometriosis, Vaginismus, and Vulvadynia.
Related: Fibromyalgia and Sexual Dysfunction
So, How can we deal with fibromyalgia’s impact on sex?Has fibromyalgia affected your sex life? 3 ways to improve your sex life and relationship despite #Fibromyalgia Click To Tweet
- Talk to Your Partner – It is so difficult to be vulnerable and honest about what is going on with our bodies. However, being honest and open with your partner about how Fibromyalgia is impacting your desire for sex, or causing you pain during sex can help them understand and let’s them know that you aren’t rejecting them. When we turn down sex with our partner, they often see it as a personal rejection. They may think that we don’t find them attractive anymore, or some other such thing that isn’t true. We need to be honest with our partners.
- Find Other Ways to Be Intimate – Being vulnerable is a good start towards creating new intimacy, but we all still need physical touch. If you can handle being touched, allow them to do so in any way that works for you. Even if all you can do is lay naked beside each other in bed and have a conversation, that’s something. Kiss and hug your partner daily (if you can do so without pain). A daily hug and kiss is worth a little pain, given what it can do for your relationship. If you can give your partner sexual release in other ways, try to do so. Intimacy isn’t just about sex.
When you live with #chronicpain, it can be important to find other ways to be intimate besides sex. Click To Tweet
- Talk to Your Doctor – Be open with your doctor about how your pain and fatigue are impacting your sex life. If you have pain during intercourse, seek a pelvic pain specialist. Your pain might not be “just Fibromyalgia” and there may be other treatment. In some cases, there is physical therapy that may be able to help with pelvic pain related to things like Vaginismus, or other Pelvic Floor issues.
There I said it. It’s out there. I have Fibromyalgia and sometimes sex hurts! It sucks.
What ways have you found to combat the impact of Fibromyalgia on sex? I’d love to hear how you tackled this tough issue in your relationship. Please share your thoughts in the comments below.What ways have you found to combat the impact of Fibromyalgia on your sex life? Click To Tweet
- The impact of chronic illness on marriage
- The effect of fibromyalgia on marriage
- 5 Ways to Show Your love, even when you feel like crap.
- Getting past the sadness & isolation of chronic pain
I didn’t know I had Fibro for 20 years, it’s now 30 years with it & 8 of those diagnosed. Been married since 2002 & initially throughout our relationship pre & post marriage we had a v.active sex life when I had mild Fibro. However since having v.severe Fibro it went right down to a slow crawl & now hubby also has it as well as low testosterone due to it it’s now 0. People go on about it not being on thier minds but I still get the desire to, we just can’t physically do anything about it! Does add to the depression somewhat as although our marriage was never based on sex, we always enjoyed it together & enjoyed expressing that part of our love for each other.
Thank you for this article. My husband is actually the one that suffers with fibromyalgia. We used to have a great sexual relationship but it has definitely gone downhill. He is in his mid 40’s and I am in my mid 30’s so it’s definitely been an adjustment. I do wish he would talk more as for a very long time I thought it was me because he never said anything. It’s frustrating to still have a high sex drive and nothing that can be done about.
That’s always difficult. Sex is such a difficult topic for many to talk about under good circumstances. Then when we are sick, we feel guilty about how it’s affecting everything and that makes it even more difficult.
I know that this can be a controversial topic, but it needs to be said. If you live in a state where medical marijuana is legal, please consider it. My opinion is that marijuana is a plant, and we use many different plants for many different things. Just because a doctor may write a prescription for Cymbalta, Lyrica, Percocet, etc. doesn’t mean it’s safer. Marijuana has been proven to help fibromyalgia sufferers, and it does! I, myself, have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I know how terrible it is. Marijuana helps with pain, it helps to relax, and for many it increases libido. I am not suggesting to anyone to break the law, or do something you aren’t comfortable with, but I am telling you that it is a true lifesaver. I am a devout Christian, and I take it very seriously, there are absolutely no Scriptures that advocate the meds that Big Pharma is poisoning us with or vilifies marijuana. This is not about partying, it’s about finding relief from suffering and reclaiming intimacy in your marriage.
I see that this is an older conversation, so I hope I’m not too late to ask questions and seek advice. I suffer from fibromyalgia and Dercum’s Disease. Both illnesses cause physical touch and closeness to be difficult. I have an amazing and wonderful husband who cares for me more than I ever imagined. We’ve been married for 31 years, raised 3 terrific young adults, and our lives are truly blessed! Then what’s the problem, you say? I think I’m going to loose my mind if he doesn’t relax a little. I’m the one with chronic pain, plus I’m the one who almost always initiates sex. Well, I guess I should say used to initiate sex, because it’s been months since he’s been willing for us to even try. He says he’s afraid he will hurt me more! I’m like one of the folks above who mentioned that during sex the pain seems to be less. I find that I actually can have some relief and then usually enjoy a peaceful night’s sleep. It’s the 2-3 days afterward when the pain shows up. By that time, I could have done something else to trigger the pain, yet my husband gets sad and melancholy because he thinks it’s HIS fault that I’m in pain. This problem has gotten so bad, that it’s affecting his sex drive and causing him to have ED.
I’ve had pain problems for the past 10 years, and up until the past 3 months our sex life has not greatly suffered. Now, suddenly he’s never initiating and I’m getting rejected each time I initiate. Why doesn’t he want me anymore? Is he THAT repulsed by me and my illness?
I have told him that I need to be close to him so much that it doesn’t matter if I hurt, that our time together is worth it. Wow! That just freaks him out and pushes him away even more. Someone please give us some advice, other than just “have open communication.” Because obviously just talking about how we feel and what we need isn’t helping. I just don’t know how to deal with a husband that is TOO WORRIED about me.
Thanks for listening!
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I really don’t know what to tell you. But, I can totally see where he’s created a situation for himself psychologically where he FEARS sex because he’s afraid of hurting you. That’s terribly sad on so many levels. Have you considered marriage counseling to help you communicate to him what you need and that he needs to understand that YOU know your limits and if you initate, even though there may be pain afterwards, sex and physical closeness is important for both your mental and physical health (as well as his)?
I’m 49 and I’ve been digonosed with Fibromyalgia and when I’m sore I’m not sure if it’s a flare up I get the injections since been Diganosed and as I read this mayb it’s cuz of Fibromyalgia and maybe it’s menapause ?how can I get in the sex mode
It’s difficult to get in the mood for sex when you’re in pain. I think the best thing we can do is try to just focus on being together physically in whatever way we can manage, and hope hat in doing so it morphs into more. I find that often works for me.
I have been in the situation you describe. It can be quite frustrating. On the plus side, how lovely that he cares so much about whether or not sex hurts you. He is not rejecting you, he is not repulsed by you, his priority is not hurting you.
If you remove intercourse from the equation, he may relax. Even though he has ED, he can still ejaculate if stimulated properly. (The nerves that control erection are different than those that control ejaculation.) Oral stimulation can be quite effective and fun and keep the physical intimacy alive.
Or if he is too gun shy for that, start with just massage and gentle touches. Whatever he needs not to feel threatened by the possibility of hurting you.
I would respectfully suggest that you emphasize how pain free intimacy with him makes you. And after you have been intimate, let him know that you are pain free and for exactly how long. And once you do something after being intimate that triggers your pain, let him know.
The road back is as long as it takes him to stop equating physical intimacy with hurting you. In my experience, he needs concrete evidence that you are not being hurt, one small step at a time. So if that starts with holding his hand, and letting him see that touching like that is ok, then progressing perhaps to back rubs, so be it.
Hope this helps you both.
Maybe you could take him with you to a doctor visit and have your doctor explain that you will be in pain either way but that if he has sex with you then he gives you a few moments of relief.
I can relate in feeling bad about hurting my wife, because it feels selfish, so in turn it becomes unenjoyable. But i am willing to do it when she desires it. My issue is, she doesn’t feel like initiating when she feels well enough. But idk when she feels well enough. And the feeling of repetitive rejection isn’t a good feeling either, even knowing that it isn’t you. Then there’s the feeling of guilt for desiring more knowing that they have no control in the matter. Its definitely difficult to deal with. Its work you have to be willing to do to deal with it.
It definitely requires a different level of communication. If she isn’t willing/able to initiate but you don’t know when a good time is perhaps finding a way that she can let you know without being direct. A codeword or putting a certain item on the bed/table, or even a specific response to “how are you feeling today?” It’s all about finding new ways to communicate that are comfortable for both of you. If you are in therapy this is definitely something to work on there. If not, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a go, just to learn some new ways to communicate.
Okay but what about us that used to have great sex life and just happened to get sick in a time. When we weren’t with a partner. I was blessed with a high sex drive and I found that it does help me a lot feeling better afterwards sleeping better exercise all the good things. But now the fibro is kicked in the Ehler’s danlos is started to affect me a lot my energy level is down my social life is taken a nosedive. I don’t go out and meet new people to find a partner now with these many problems,, well it just seems difficult to start a partnership from this place. But I still want sex with a loving partner oh my any suggestions?
You might find this article I wrote for Healthgrades helpful: https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/fibromyalgia/8-tips-for-dating-with-fibromyalgia
I’m in the minority here. As a man with Fibro, IBS, cervical spinal stenosis and more, I’m the one who doesn’t want sex. It’s not that I can’t, it’s just so difficult to do that there’s no pleasure in it. There is some pain, but the true pain and fatigue comes afterwards and can last for 2-3 days.
Sadly, male or female fibromyalgia definitely affects our sex drive and ability to have sex. Sex can take a lot of energy that we often just don’t have.
Hi Kevin, I found it refreshing that you have come forward as a fibro etc sufferer. I also suffer with fibro and having had this since 2007 it is definitely getting worse over time. It is helpful to hear it from a male point of view. Feeling exactly like yourself it killed my relationship as my partner just did not understand what was happening to me while he decided to cheat on me because of my lack of desire for sex, fibro has stole my life and at 46 this is just not fair.
I’m with you sir. No fun. I have 4 diseases. One of which is fibro. My wife feels like it’s her if I can’t “perform”. It’s embarrassing, kills my ego and even if I’m in the mood, my body has other ideas.
But great article, communication is very important. To be honest, if my wife didn’t understand, she wouldn’t be my wife.
She is beautiful, sexy, and amazing. I do my best to show, or tell her every day.
I’m just lucky she puts up with me. Good luck to us all.
I pray we all get a few extra spoons!
I have had fibromyalgia for Nine years now and lately it has really taken over my life.
I do understand that everyone in not the same and we all have to deal with The illness in our own way.
I was in a car accident 25 years ago and was left with a muscular imbalance in both hips on top of the fibromyalgia. When I was first diagnosed I went down very quickly and was so depressed and hardly ate or moved. I thought because there wasn’t a cure that was it I couldn’t control it and as a control freak that did not sit well with me. My husband had received some money from his grandmothers will and he paid for me to go for therapy. Best thing I every did. It was a type CBT and through it I learned to take back control and turned my life around.
I was blessed with an extremely high sex drive and like some of the other ladies found sex was extremely helpful. I would encourage my partner to have sex as I got so much relief from it. On days when I was in so much pain and couldn’t be touched I would talk myself around and tell myself it was not just about me and that tough was good. I found that turning being in pain into a positive thing helped. The pain meant I could still feel and be touched. I became very tactile and loved the feeling of velvets and other soft materials and I built up my resistance and am able to touch and be touched.
I continue to search for the perfect combination of meds and state of mind but in the mean time being positive is Key. We are still alive, pain is good because it means we are alive and can feel. Being able to spend time with my family is and show them I am ill but it does not control me is the best medicine in the world.
I love your state of mind. I struggle with being positive, but am working on it. Thank you for sharing.
It’s a constant struggle to stay positive.
Yes, an understanding husband is important. So, is being an understanding wife. Feeling sorry for him, and calling it done, is not understanding. Exhausting all possible alternative positions and body parts is understanding. Even the icky ones!! “Oh, I tried everything” is not always the case. Thank you to the ones who share what works for them. No offense to the ones who truly tried everything. If your man is OK with no sex, he may not just be understanding, he may have a lower libido, or is able to find an other release.
Hi, my wife has fibromyalgia, micrvascular disease, schogrens syndrome and possible lupus and suffers terribly, I love her dearly and have been together for 24 years. I know her pain restricts out sex life as much as she may love me fibro really kills it, I have tried everything to make things easy for us, have you any hints and tips for dealing with this condition and how I can help her in any way.
The biggest thing I find with this condition is that people see you as looking healthy and fine but in reality you are suffering terribly.
As you read I’m in a similar boat to your wife. There are times when it’s no problem at all and when that’s the case I try to initiate it when I’m up to it. The thing that hurts me the most is when my husband isn’t understanding. So, I guess my advice is to try to be as understanding as possible and remember that even though she may look ok that day it doesn’t mean that she feels ok. Remember to give her lots of hugs and non-sexual touches (as much as she can handle) without any expectation of sex. It’s that expectation that hurts, because we know we are letting you down. Having to say no because we don’t feel good really sucks. Even if we feel so bad that we don’t personally care about sex, we know that you still care and we know that it’s hard on you. So, please don’t make it harder by pushing the subject. Just by making sure that she knows you love and care about her unconditionally (and you showing that physically without expecting more) will go a long way to helping her and to ensuring the comfort of your relationship.
I know what you’re going through Threads. I was married 17 years with 3 children 1 1/2 apart. Days I just dragged myself around to please please please with no help or support. I was called lazy and worse. He finally left . And the the kids were 10, 12, and 14. They stayed with me til they left home. I know its hard but I finally found someone who cares and supports me. Hang in there 🙂
Thank you for this article, I needed to hear it, & am grateful to you Julie for giving us a space to learn & support each other.
Glad I could help, and thank you for being here.
Hi! I have found some fibromyalgia relief from going to a upper cervical care doctor. (Chiropractor) I’ve also found help for my immune system using the Myers Cocktail (intervenous vitamin shot). I’m learning that my body needs magnesium and I’ve had nodules on my thyroid. I don’t believe I have all the same symptoms as you, but I thought I’d share what has helped me, hoping maybe it will help you too. My prayers are will all those who suffer from pain. It’s a fierce battle!
Yes, most of us are low on Magnesium and it typically can help quite a bit, as can a good chiropractor. I’m lucky that I also have one of those. There is such a variety of symptoms that we endure, and so many co-morbid issues that impact our varying pains locations and severity, yet there are a few things that can help definitely most of us.
I don’t have to worry about that anymore…I was diagnosed a yr after I got married, was married for 18 yrs, and he said he wanted a divorce because it was all about me. He had seen the pain, been to every doctor visit and ER visit and would complain if dinner wasn’t on the table, or if he had to cook it after working all day. There was no sex drive, partly due to the loss of respect I had for him and the other due to the fibro. 18 yrs. just threw it away…why can’t we go out? we have planned this for wks….what do you mean your to tired too, or hurt to much too…talk about being made to feel useless. 4 yrs later I know Im not useless. But when you love someone and you thought they loved you and then just walk away…I did everything i possibly could, even when I felt like i wanted to die, I still did for him and the kids. Not good enough. How do you reach ppl like that? seriously. You say to yourself, if they could just walk a day or two in my shoes…I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, but just maybe on my ex husband…..God forgive me.
Theresa, I’m sorry you went through that. We have our rough times but I can’t imagine spending that long with someone who had no compassion at all for how I was feeling. It sounds like he did you a favor in the end. You are definitely not useless, none of us are.
I’m so sorry that the man of your dreams became a nightmare. Don’t give up, don’t give in. I know it’s hard but don’t stop dreaming. Many blessings and spoons unto you love. D
Brenda Flippen says
Theresa,,Don’t worry I truly believe God will forgive you and me for the thoughts we have had of our ex’s.I am right there with you girl. But sometimes we are much better off without the negativity those kind is people give off. It just makes us more stressed and you know what stress does, it magnifies all of our problems. so let’s just say, ” Good Bye” and “good redence” to those who don’t want to be with is. I HOPE YOU ARE DOING OK. Brenda
I was diagnosed 3 weeks after marriage. My husband and I had dated twice before and my sexdrive was excellent then. Nowi have no sexdrive or desire. My pain is not the only reason. I was recently diagnosed with empty sella syndrome and I did have a partial hysterectomy the month before I got married. All this together drives me crazy. I miss sex and all my husband does is harp on me for it. He doesn’t shave every day and the stubble hurts when we kiss so I don’t kiss him often. 3 yrs later he thinks I’m being lazy and a prude and selfish. He says he understands my health issues and what they do but still wants me to do everything around the house, walk the dogs and service him. I just don’t care whether or not we have sex. I feel bad for him but worse for me since I can’t have the physical contact anymore.
So sorry to see this Heather, but I understand. I think many of us do. Have you mentioned the stubble issue to him? we’ve had to work hard to find other ways to be together that work for both of us, it’s not easy and we are still working on it, but it’s better than being angry at each other for things we can’t change.
You were probably married to a narcissist! I was and lived with fibro while i worked for him and he lived at the shop for 21 of 34 yrs of marriage. A narcissist will never understand or tty too mine thought i dhould just work through it csuse he worked through a cold. There were days i slept on my desk all day when I should have been home in bed takin care of myself instead of worrying snouy what he would say ot do. We’re divorced now almost a yr and im still handle-in the stress of prop settlement sellin my home of 22yrs so i can exist on my less than 900$ a mon SSD. When i start thinkin nout it i ho into depression and flareup mist days and some dsys i can get up snf do a little. Ladt week just signin the deeds and a contract to sell put me down for the week. Stress is one of my most volatile points of flare up because of him and my dad so i stay away from that as much as i can. You guys and gals hang in there csuse Jesus will heal us all for heaven i just pray you all know him because He is my Relief Peace Bestfriend but most of all my SAVIOR. Yall take care as i try to as well by myself i guess is my fear, except for Jesus by my dide and in my heart ♥️
Trisha Pearson says
Great post! Sex is definitely an issue for me but one I haven’t really figured out. Luckily, my pain levels fluctuate so there aren’t any super long dry spells. The biggest issue I’ve had lately is breast pain. When that flares up I don’t want anyone to come within two feet of me! I started taking Evening Primrose oil and that definitely helps with the breast pain. Now I’m searching for something to help ease all the tender spots. Those definitely put a damper on the desire for closeness and touch.
Best help I’ve found for tender spots is Magnesium. I take it orally and soak in it every night (epson salt baths). There’s also magnesium oil and cream that you can get and rub directly on the areas that are tender.
Trisha Pearson says
That is great to know – thank you! Suddenly I’m feeling like one giant tender spot and it’s getting to be a bit of a problem.
They can do that. Mine still flare up from time to time, but combination of supplements and meds, and diet change have them manageable.
Great post : ) what diet changes have helped you the most? Thank for all you do to help us all on our journey
Going gluten-free has helped me the most; carbs can increase inflammation. Also I try to cut out processed foods as much as possible. I find the more “crap” I eat (processed foods/ restaurants) the worse I feel.
I was diagnosed with fibro 13yrs ago i had it for a long time before diagnosis. If you can get to an herbal sore that sells bulk herbs I suggest getting some Lemon Balm and Passion Flower then make tea with the herbs and honey. They can be mixed or alone, you can even find your own strength. These are both good for high stress levels. I did not want to increase my depression meds so I tried these after researching them. They help me beyond alot. Lemon Balm is also very good for the viral immune system.
Good luck to ALL!!!
Rosalie Young says
How do you know how much Magnesium to take?
Start low and slowly build up to what your body (digestive system) can tolerate. If it’s causing diarrhea you are taking too much. Epsom salt baths and magnesium oil/creams are a good source that don’t impact the digestive system as much. Also make sure to go for Magnesium Malate as it is the best type for Fibromyalgia.
Anita Harrington says
Have you tried a combined approach of Evening Primrose Oil with Starflower Oil. It was recommended to me by a specialist breast clinic here in the U.K. and is amazing
I haven’t. Discovering I had (and treating) endometriosis did a lot to improve the sexual pain I dealt with. Looking back I can also see that there were a lot of psychological issues causing problems in my sex life, on top of fibro-related issues.
Oddly enough, sex with my hubby is the greatest relief for my fibro. Usually at first it does hurt, but once I’m into I’m ok. I don’t want to be too graphic but, here goes. My hubby knows my body well, he knows not to touch trigger points, he knows to be gentle with foreplay. He understands the process must start slow, then building up, it doesn’t have to hurt. I’m capable of multiple organs and with each on my body really relaxes a little bit more. So by the time we get to the ‘big one’ as we call it, I’m so relaxed and pain free, it’s euphoria. I hope some of my hints and tips help. One more thing, after sex I usually sleep pain free for 8-10hrs. Be blessed
That is awesome! Thank you for sharing.
For us, it is about getting past the pain and not even so much the Fibro pain, but whatever is causing me to have pelvic pain, perhaps Endometriosis, or something else. We’ve been trying to figure it out for a couple of years, and have had a few (all too brief) periods where the pain went away (mainly following the last surgery) and we were able to enjoy an almost normal sex life again.
Brenda Flippen says
Datondra, Well finally !! I am so glad to finally meet someone else who still can enjoy sex with their husband,partner of whoever. I also find that this can be the best meds. For me. Yes there are times ,but very few that I don’t feel like it, and he usually knows so doesn’t ask because he knows how bad I feel. I also find relaxation and an inner peace after we are intimate
. My worst time was about 6 year’s ago and I found that my hormone s were way out of kilter. I started having the hormone pellets implants and wow!!! it made a world of difference in everything, my mood and ever my pain levels. The symptoms are far from gone but they are so much more bearable.I have had fibro ALL of my life,and IBS. I also have shingles very often and that is a whole other demon. I was able to handle the pain on my own without strong meds until the fatigue set in. Once that got bad I was lost.Btw I am 62 and have an amazing husband. We have been together for 20 years and yes I was married before but he couldn’t handle the illness. His problem not mine. I surely came out better in the long run after he left. “No one is better than someone who doesn’t care”. But fortunately I have someone , and he is great. I am so blessed, and I try to never take him for granted….Living and loving the best I can !!! Brenda
I’ve been looking into the hormone pellets, the one thing that has prevented me is that all that I’ve read/ heard is that if you stop using them the symptoms return much worse than they were before you started. We go through cycles with me where I can enjoy sex (or can’t) depending on what is going on. It’s less the Fibro itself lately (although early on it was very much the Fibro and the inability to be touched), and more whatever is going on in my lower area (endometriosis, etc) that causes pain during sex for me (and at other times). Sometimes things are just fine, and other times it’ll hit just wrong and OUCH!
I just want my wife back. I just want here to be happy
Hello Mike… It seems you’re under the impression that your wife has the ability to be the same person she was before Fibro. The sad truth is that your wife will never be that woman again. Fibromyalgia and any other sidekicks she is suffering have an enormous impact on what she is able to do… Physically, emotionally and mentally. I am sure she wishes to be her prior self more than you or anyone else could wish for her.
I applaud you for reading Julie’s wonderful blogs bcc it shows you truly care about your wife and want to understand what she is going through. If you both educate yourselves together on the impact of her illnesses in every aspect of her life, her body & mind… Together you can work on a new/better way of married life which takes into consideration her pain and limitations. Believe me when I assure you that you will make her one of the happiest spoonies ever. And in return she will ensure you are very happy too!
I speak from experience… I’ve been blessed with a husband who knows more about my multiple illnesses than I do. He puts my needs and limitations before anything else. As a result of this, after 2+ years of adapting to the “new” me and 18 years of marriage, we have grown closer than I could have ever imagined. We have sex multiple times a week…. Sometimes 2-3 days in a row. All because he cared to adapt and change our relationship dinamics to my many limitations.
Mike, I hope and pray my experience based advice helps you not only to make your wife happy but for the both of you to be the happiest you can be TOGETHER.