Too often we don’t ask for help because we assume that others will not be there for us, or that even if they want to be there, they won’t be able to help. The problem is that we’ll never know if we can depend on others if we never ask.
This quote came straight from my Psych book:
“Social support refers not only to relationships with others but also to the recognition that others care and can be depended on to help” – Psychology, Bernstein et al
How many times have we said one of the following:
- No one really cares about me
- They don’t have the time to help.
- They’ve got better things to do.
- If I want this done I’ve got to do it myself.
- The only person I can rely on is me.
We assume that someone else doesn’t have it to give, or that they wouldn’t give it if they had it.
Many times we really don’t know what others have available or may have access to, so we refuse to even ask.
Or, we tell ourselves the big lie that others don’t care, so we wallow (yes wallow) in our own stew of negativity rather than creating a better situation for ourselves.
Most of us are “givers” to begin with, we are the ones that do everything for ourselves and for anyone else that will let us. We take the position that others don’t have the time or “if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done” when the reality is we don’t give anyone else the chance to do those things.
Too often we don’t get the things we need (or want) simply because we don’t (or won’t) ask. It’s amazing what may be available if you just ask.
— Julie Ryan (@drunkitty2000) September 30, 2013
Unfortunately, there are those who will make us feel bad for asking for help. It’s important to understand that this is an issue with them, not with you. We can’t generalize their behavior to everyone else and assume that because they react poorly to our requests for help that others will. Not everyone is so selfish.
Generally, people like being asked for help. Being asked for help makes them feel good- even if they can’t give it. It’s nice to feel needed, to know that we can positively impact someone’s life, even in small ways.
Often when we deal with chronic illness we feel that we have nothing to give, that we are always taking. While this can cause more negative feelings about asking for help, if you change your perspective it can create positive feelings.
Think of asking for help as giving a gift. You are giving the gift of helping someone else feel useful and needed. In doing so, you are also giving yourself a gift by allowing your needs to be met, relieving your stress and frustration and generally making your life easier.