Controlling Negative Thoughts: Why I Chose to Seek Help

After letting the chronic pain and related issues drag me down the last three months I decided I finally had enough and had to do something. I’d reached a point where I didn’t have the answer and couldn’t quite get a handle on what I needed to do on my own. I needed help controlling my negative thoughts before I completely spiraled into major depression (again).

Sometimes the answers are right in front of you all along, you just need someone else to tap you on the forehead and say “Hellooo McFlyyyyy”

That’s Back to the Future for those too young to remember.

I needed help dealing with a depression I was sinking further and further into. What I didn’t want was more meds. What I knew were some of the basic mitigating factors starting with the shoulder injury, leading to stress at home, inability to keep my diet as strict as I’d like, feeling guilty for all the things I “should” be doing but couldn’t, etc. While the shoulder has improved slowly, my stress, anxiety, and depression continued to worsen.

So, I finally called in a reinforcement in the form of a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist.

Finally made an appointment to talk to someone about this #depression that’s been trying to take over lately. #needhelp
— Julie Ryan (@drunkitty2000) March 10, 2014

I’m a student of Psychology and had no interest in a Psychologist that was just going to sit behind a desk and listen, I need advice, otherwise what am I paying you for? After some research online I stumbled upon a guy that I thought was a good fit for me.

He had years of experience (so many that he’s actually partially retired), including many years working with biofeedback for chronic pain and depression. When I called they told me that he was practically retired (working only 1 day/wk) and would likely refer me to a colleague after he saw me. Amazingly enough his one day a week was the next day and he had an opening. So, I took the chance.

We met and talked for an hour. During that time we focused a lot on the impact of negative thoughts and how they lead to depression, and the idea of stopping negative thinking.

I was reminded that “wait a second, I wrote an article on this just last month!” – The ABCs of Bouncing Back From a Flare – I don’t know why it hadn’t crossed my mind other than that I guess I needed a “hello McFly” moment to point out that I had control over this and that there was something I could do. 

Just having someone point out that negative thoughts were the enemy and the main reason for my depression. For me it’s largely the “should’s” as in “I really should have done x or y today” “Or I really should be doing..”

There’s also a lot of negative feelings for me where I allow myself to go from feeling positive to negative because of some negative comment that my husband makes.

So, that is the focus – avoiding negative thoughts. The idea is to catch myself when I have those thoughts and stop myself, breath, relax, and let it go. I like the idea of also following that with a positive thought.

I was both happy and thankful that after talking to me for an hour he decided to keep me on as a client and not refer me out. His words “you are too advanced and would eat them up”.

That’s what I was trying to avoid by looking for someone very experienced. It’s not that I think I’m all that, but I am self-aware (mostly) and I do have a background of study in Psychology, so I really didn’t want someone fresh out of college that was just going to go down some standard checklist. I’m scheduled to see him again in two weeks. It feels better just to know that I’ve made some sort of effort and taken a step in the right direction toward dealing with negative thoughts. Things will get better, I know they will.

Update: I continued to see this counselor for several months and saw great improvement and decrease in negative thinking. Eventually, our sessions devolved into general discussion about psychology and I decided it was best for me to move on. 

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