This quote came straight from my Psych book:
“social support refers not only to relationships with others but also to the recognition that others care and can be depended on to help” – Psychology, Bernstein et al
How many times have we said one of the following:
- No one really cares about me
- They don’t have the time to help.
- They’ve got better things to do.
- If I want this done I’ve got to do it myself.
- The only person I can rely on is me.
We assume that someone else doesn’t have it to give, or that they wouldn’t give it if they had it.
Many times we really don’t know what others have available or may have access to, so we refuse to even ask.
Or, we tell ourselves the big lie that others don’t care, so we wallow (yes wallow) in our own stew of negativity rather than creating a better situation for ourselves.
Most of us are “givers” to begin with, we are the ones that do everything for ourselves and for anyone else that will let us. We take the position that others don’t have the time or “if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done” when the reality is we don’t give anyone else the chance to do those things.
Too often we don’t get the things we need (or want) simply because we don’t (or won’t) ask. It’s amazing what may be avail if you just ask.
— Julie Ryan (@drunkitty2000) September 30, 2013
I know that I personally find great value in my local support group and prefer it to the drama that I often see on many online groups. My local group has a great balance of regular in-person meetings and a great Facebook group where we can support each other daily, as needed.
Unfortunately, there are those who will make us feel bad for asking for help. It’s important to understand that this is an issue with them, not with you.
We can’t generalize their behavior to everyone else and assume that because they react poorly to our requests for help that others will. Not everyone is so selfish.
Generally, people feel good when they are asked for help – even if they can’t give it. It’s nice to feel needed, to know that we can positively impact someone’s life, even in small ways.
Often when we deal with chronic illness we feel that we have nothing to give, that we are always taking.
While this can cause more negative feelings about asking for help, if you change your perspective it can create positive feelings.
Think of asking for help as giving a gift. You are giving the gift of helping someone else feel useful and needed.
In doing so, you are also allowing your needs to be met, relieving your stress and frustration and generally making your life easier.