Pain is kinda like a nagging child. “mommy…mommy… mommy…mommy”. Those of us with chronic pain learn to ignore it the same way most parents can tune out that nagging, but eventually it just gets to be too much and you scream “WHAT DO YOU WANT!”
There are so many analogies of chronic pain and chronic illness. The most well-known is probably the Spoon Theory, but there are others, the Battery theory, and this one from Life Without Remission
Life without remission is a funny thing. Kind of like going for a swim, having someone push your head underwater, hold it there, and just when you think they’re going to let you up for some air–they don’t. And you don’t die. You just…sort of drown for a long time.
And after a while the panic of drowning just stops. And the fear stops. And you just sort of wade there, in the water, thinking well, I guess I better cancel my lunch plans.
Chronic pain is like a child nagging mommy...mommy...mommy. When we live with chronic pain we learn to tune it out, to ignore it the way parents can tune out the nagging. Eventually it gets to be too much. Share on X
If I follow through on the screaming baby analogy I’ll go so far as to say we probably shouldn’t get used to it too much. After all, pain is our bodies way of telling us that something is wrong. However, for those of us with fibro that something is often just that our pain sensor is broken. It’s kinda like when you have a short in the “check engine” light on your car, so it’s always on even when there’s nothing wrong with your engine.
Similarly, I was thinking today that chronic pain is like a nagging child in the check-out line. Mommy may I please have a candy bar (replace candy bar with one of our well-guarded and often rationed migraine meds). Eventually, the level of nagging just reaches a point where you have no choice but to give in. Often for the migraines I am reminded of Elaine on Seinfeld and “Are you sponge worthy?” “Is this migraine Relpax worthy?” or am I going to have a worse one later and need that pill worse?
Living with chronic pain often does feel like we are drowning, yet at the same time oblivious to the drowning. We just get used to it. And eventually, if we are lucky, we learn how to kick our legs and wave our arms so that we manage to tread water and avoid actually drowning, but it’s still difficult and it’s not really fun and we’d love it if someone just jumped in and rescued us, but it’s not likely to happen. So, we just keep kicking and waving our arms and screaming like a baby, and we do our best to get through the day.
Jane Darnell says
Most people suffer chronic pain, they just don’t complain about it. They take an advil and stfu. Sorry, but having had three children naturally without drugs, along with a lifetime being beleagured by lower back pain, arthritis, and migraines…stumbling across your blog, I’ve got to tell you- You recording your pain, seeking diagnosis, feeling sorry for yourself and viewing yourself as some sort of chronic pain crusader..it’s hilarious. And pathetic. You women are weak.
Julie says
You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I hope you never have to find out what chronic pain is really like.
shawna says
If an Advil is enough to help you than God bless! You are one lucky person!
Julie says
I’d be happy to go back in time to the days when Advil was enough for me, that was back before I had to take it so often that it left me with a hole in my stomach. Now, not only can I NOT take Advil, but I can’t even take most prescription anti-inflammatory meds.
shawna says
I was commenting on what “Jane Darnell” rudely posted. I understand, I also have problems taking any type of “pain reducing” medication.
Julie says
I knew you were, I was just adding to your comment. :hugs:
Trisha Pearson says
I suffered from chronic back pain for fifteen years. It didn’t stop me from doing anything and I didn’t “complain.” Fibromyalgia is a completely different beast. If you haven’t experienced it, you shouldn’t judge. At the very least, you should keep your nasty comments to yourself.
Julie spends her time blogging to support others going through the hell of chronic pain and she doesn’t deserve to be criticized for it.
Julie says
Thank you Trisha, you are so sweet. I doubt that Jane will read any replies to her comment, just as I doubt she has really bothered to read much of my blog.
Trisha Pearson says
You’re probably right. Jane is probably just one of those people that stop in to leave nasty comments everywhere around the internet. Maybe I am weak, but at least I have better things to do than be a hater!
I appreciate your courage in sharing so openly about your struggles with chronic illness. It helps so much to know we’re not alone in living a life of pain.
Julie says
You are not weak! You prove that every day just by continuing to fight and continuing to try to find a way to feel better.
shawna says
What do you do when you have chronic pain & a nagging child? Seriously I could really use some advice! I’m 27 & have a son who will be two next month. I Was actually diagnosed with fibro when I was a teen. I have back problems & always had horrible, painful periods but since I had my son, (via c-section) I’ve never been so sick. It’s been well over a year with the pain getting worse each month. Every other week it starts & the pain is indescribable. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. Tuesday (6-24-14) I’m scheduled to have laproscopic surgery to see if I have endometriosis. I’m scared to see what the future holds (which is no fun with ibs & anxiety disorders). My son does not get it when I tell him mommy don’t feel good. He is a very demanding child which I’ve been told most kids/boy’s are but sometimes it’s just too much for me as a single mom. Any advice would be well appreciated.
Julie says
I’m sorry you are going through this. I wish you well tomorrow with your surgery. I’ve done it twice and had the gamut of experiences with it. I will say that if it’s endo and they can get it cleaned up, that did help me a good bit. Sometimes, just knowing helps. I can’t say that I know what it’s like to deal with this pain and a child. However, I know several people who share their stories of doing just that and one that recently put out a book to help you explain your pain to your child. I interviewed her a while back here: https://countingmyspoons.com/2014/05/fibrowarriorwednesday_potomacfallsmom/
You might want to check out her book and blog: http://potomacfallsmama.blogspot.com/
shawna says
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my comment & thanks for the link it’s informative. 🙂
Julie says
Sending you positive vibes for tomorrow. All will be as it should. Be sure to check in once you feel up to it and give me an update.
shawna says
It’s there any way you can pm me?
Julie says
I don’t have any contact info for you. Feel free to email me directly at drunkitty2000@gmail.com or you can DM me on twitter @drunkitty2000 or send a message on my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/CountingMySpoons
Trisha Pearson says
This is all so true. The pain is always there but some days I’m so good at ignoring it that I actually think I feel good…until I tune into my body. Then I realize it’s all still there.
I think of Elaine with her sponges every time I try to decide if pain/day/event is hydrocodone worthy!
Julie says
That episode is so iconic. That reminds me, I need to record my migraine from earlier today.
Shelley says
This is so true! I’ve never made the connection before, but that is exactly what it feels like. I’m really good at ignoring my children’s whining, up to the point where I lose it. I’m exactly the same way with pain.
Julie says
Thank you for inspiring the thought. I don’t have kids myself, but I see parents ability to ignore the whining and I’m often like “how the heck do they do that!”, but thinking about it this way, it totally makes sense. It’s amazing what we get used to.