The Importance of Being True to Yourself
Sue Ingbretson, author of FibroWhyAlgia, posted something on her blog this week that hit me pretty hard. Her post, Do Any of These 10 Regrets Look Familiar referred to a post on the MarcandAngel blog, about 10 Choices You Will Regret in 10 Years. I didn’t have to read far to see one I am guilty of.
Wearing a mask to impress others.
It’s not so much that I wear a mask to impress anyone, I’ve never cared much what people think of me. However, as someone with chronic pain I often hide behind a mask that allows me to look a lot happier and healthier than I am. I pretend A LOT.
My feeling is often that no one wants to see the dark side. We all have enough negative in our own world we don’t want to deal with another’s darkness, too. I hide the true me so that I don’t make others uncomfortable.
[socialpug_tweet tweet=”I often hide the true me so that I don’t make others uncomfortable. But, in the end I make myself uncomfortable. #nomoremask” display_tweet=”I often hide the true me so that I don’t make others uncomfortable. ” style=”2″]
I am extremely guilty of this here on my blog. I do my best to avoid sharing/ writing negative things. You can usually tell when I feel my worst because my blogging becomes more sporadic.
When I do write a post that starts to sound negative I think to myself – What a whiner! stop that. No one wants to read it.
On the other hand, I recently wrote about The Importance of Being Vulnerable, and I need to apply that to myself as well. I need to be more honest, more vulnerable with everyone.
Funny-ish story. A few months ago I began seeing a Psychologist. After several months of dealing with the impact the pain in my shoulder was having on my life, and the negativity it was creating in my marriage, I was depressed.
I knew I had to get help ASAP and head it off before things got to the point where they did a few years back. I was already to the point where I was willing to verbally admit (at least to my husband) that I would eventually commit suicide to get away from chronic pain. It wouldn’t likely be anytime soon, but that’s how I’d likely go out.
So, I saw this counselor the first time and he had me do the usual personality tests and Beck Depression test. When I went for my second appointment he had to admit that he was quite shocked at how depressed I actually was, and more so at the fact that I was suicidal.
[socialpug_tweet tweet=”We wear our masks too well. Be True to Yourself. Stop hiding your reality, and let others see the real you.” display_tweet=”We wear our masks too well.” style=”1″]
Related Posts:
- Acting healthy takes talent
- What those with Chronic Illness Wish Healthy People Understood
- Study Shows: You look too good to be sick
- Are these seven habits increasing your pain and fatigue?
Nikki at BrainlessBlogger.com also shared a great post about this whole idea of masking our pain.
Tracy Lee Karner says
I SO get it! (you saw my recent post….) Pain is, frankly, depressing. I reached the point, about 5 years ago, where I felt like, “I just can’t do this anymore. I simply can’t deal with this for one more day.”
We all need to reach out sometimes, and ask for help. It’s very, very dangerous if we can’t tell anyone when we feel like giving up. Cheers to you, for being brave enough to ask for help.
It’s a tricky business, trying to decide with whom to be vulnerable, when. Because vulnerability makes us, well, vulnerable! And it’s not really smart to make ourselves vulnerable to certain people. Some people are cruel, self-absorbed, or judgmental and I don’t believe in exposing myself to them (I have enough pain to deal with….)
For me, as long as I know why I’m wearing a mask, and for what purpose (to protect myself from unsolicited advice, or meanness, or nosy questions), and as long as I’m not wearing a mask to PLEASE people or to deny to myself what I’m thinking/feeling, and if, at home and with my true friends, I’m not wearing a mask–there are times when masking can be appropriate. Because honestly, acting as if I feel better than I do, makes me feel better. And that’s important, too.
But in order to get to this place, where wearing a mask, some of the time with some of the people, isn’t harmful–I first had to take off the mask I wore ALL the time, and leave it off for a good while.
There are no easy answers. Which is why it’s an important discussion. Thanks for initiating it!
Julie says
Thank you for the feedback. It is scary to never know how people will react. Especially, when dealing with something that has the stigma of Fibromyalgia. Some people are just cruel, but I have to remind myself that that’s their problem, not mine, and do my best to not take it personal.
Trisha Pearson says
I’m so guilty of hiding, both the good and the bad. Your post is a reminder to me that I need to stop it! I’m glad you were able to open up about the desperation you sometimes feel about the pain and I hope the psychologist can help you work through that. Sometimes it’s really overwhelming and scary to look at all the pain waiting for us in the days to come.
Julie says
Thanks Trisha. You are so correct at how over-whelming and scary it can be to think about the future. I imagine my grandmother and all the pain she was in in her last decade or so and think “I don’t want that”.
Trisha Pearson says
I know what you mean. I see my mom in so much pain that she just sits and watches TV all day. I definitely don’t want that! I guess all we can do for now is take it one day at a time. Maybe ten years down the road someone will figure this fibro thing out and we won’t bear the burden of pain that we have now. You never know!
Julie says
We have to hold onto that hope.