I’ve had this issue spinning around in my head for a while. I’ve been trying to get back to school (AGAIN) and it seems like hubby and I have butted heads on the topic a bit too much. I feel like often when the subject of school comes up that for him it’s about ROI. Can I get a degree and then earn enough with said degree to pay for the degree and obtain a positive ROI. I get that concept and honestly when it comes to students heading into college, in general I totally agree with that concept. You need to look at the end goal and not just be going to school to get a degree, but rather getting a degree so that you can do XYZ. That said I have an XYZ in mind, I’ve bounced a little between between two different XYZs. But, that’s not the issue. The issue is that I don’t know
a) If I’ll be able to finish the degree (let alone the MA or PhD that I’d need to follow it with in order to use it as I have planned)
b) Even if I make it through Grad school and go to work doing what I want to do, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to do that and if it’ll be long enough to achieve a positive ROI on the monetary (and time) investment.
On the other side of that coin is this….
Going to school for me, at this point, is not JUST about getting a degree or being able to do something with it afterwards that I’d love to do. That’s just a part of it. However, looking at those end goals gives me HOPE! Hope that there’s more than a life full of chronic pain. HOPE that I can give something back to the world rather than just take from it. HOPE that there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. Because if not, what’s the point?
So, we’ve gone round and round a bit about this, leaving us both (I’m sure) feeling like the other just “doesn’t get it”. Then last week I was listening to Dave Ramsey and a guy called in about his wife wanting to go back to school JUST to get a degree. The guy seemed to think that she didn’t really have any intent to use said degree (or any desire to do so) she just wanted the degree. This was referred to as a “luxury item” by Dave (although he did go onto say that there was probably more to the story than what the guy was saying). But, this made me feel more guilty. Is my going to school just a luxury item? I do intend to use it (if I can). I certainly want to use it. But, when the reality is that I’m simply taking it one semester at a time then doesn’t that put it in the same category?
NO!
The more I thought about it the more I realized that HOPE is not a luxury. Hope is a NEED, just like air and water and food. Without HOPE we end up depression, a black bottomless pit that leads nowhere. HOPE is the opposite of depression. So, with that in mind perhaps school for me is just another form of medicine, another anti-depressant. Unfortunately, insurance doesn’t cover this one. On the other hand it’s probably a lot better for me.
Leida Tirado-Lee says
I know how hard it can be to finish school while facing all the complications of Fibromyalgia. I could have easily quit but I decided against it. Two reasons. 1) Finishing my degree gave me a purpose that could at times help distract me from my illness. I think spoonies especially need to have a sense of purpose so that we don’t fall into a depression. 2) I did not want to have any regrets. I had worked so hard to get here and I was relatively close to finishing. I knew wholeheartedly that if I didn’t give it my absolute best shot I would always look back with regret wondering what if.
Julie says
Great comment Leida. The purpose part is paramount for me. I have to have a purpose, and that has been part of the struggle with getting my husband to understand why I do things. He is of the belief that “purposes are great, but they don’t pay the bills”. I think it’s partly that he’s never quite found his or attached to it in a way that made him feel he really NEEDED to DO something. Maybe everyone doesn’t have that need, I don’t know. But, I do think it makes a big difference for those of us struggling with chronic illness and depression.
This semester has gone really well, not without bumps, but much better than I expected. That has given me a lot of hope that I can not only finish, but that I can finish STRONG! I’m still on the fence about grad school (whether I’ll do it and what my focus will be, if I do it). I’m leaning right now towards a 5th year program, with a cert in Technical Writing. But, next semester may change my mind about that.
valdagarner says
Hi Julie, Your desire to have a college degree is not a luxury, but a necessity for your ability to accept a challenge and conquer that challenge. As you said, it is about hope. I completed my Masters degree in two years while I was sick and working full time. Quite an accomplishment, but I wanted that degree so bad! Now I am retired and at times wonder what all that work was for, but I’m still glad I accomplished that. It was on my bucket list. You know, your education is one thing no one can take away from you! You go girl!! Warmly, Valda
JulieRyan says
Thank you Valda. You are right that it’s not a luxury, it’s sometimes just hard to wrap my head around that (and even harder to wrap my hubby’s).
valdagarner says
Hi again, Julie. The way you get your degree is one quarter/semester at a time and one day at a time. Before you know it you have that cherished diploma, a sense of accomplishment and greater respect for yourself. No one can ever take that away from you. My best to you!
JulieRyan says
Absolutely! I agree, however it’s very hard to get my husband past his need to plan everything, and have a deadline. He wants to know what’s going to happen when, and it’s not really possible when living with Fibromyalgia.