My Thoughts on Assisted Suicide

This particular post may not earn me any friends and may even lose me a few. As I write this I’m watching the HBO movie “You Don’t Know Jack” about Jack Kevorkian. I remember in the 90s hearing about him and agreeing with what he was doing and watching this film I understand even more why I agreed with him then and having lived a little more life I understand even more why I believe that what he was doing was right. Before you make your judgment on me, please read through this entire post. If, you once you do so, you never want to read another thing I write, I will understand.

The below is something that I posted to my personal blog about a month ago after having to put one of my cats down.

Why are We Kinder to Animals Than People

I think I finally understand the answer to this question. Watching family members suffer through long bouts of pain and suffering, I’ve always wondered why we are so much kinder to our animals than we are to the people we love. When it comes to the animals we love, we would never think of making them suffer for weeks or months when there’s nothing more we can do but watch them die. We will put them out of their misery with the knowledge that it is the best thing for them. We can’t do this with people, not only is illegal (in most places) but it’s looked at as immoral. And even if the person is in so much pain that they will take their own life we look upon them as if they are immoral. I’ve never understood this as I’ve been forced to watch those I love suffer for weeks or months through pain that they only wanted to end (and I wanted it to end for them).

Yesterday, I think I finally came to an understanding of why we do this. Selfishness. We can’t be the ones who pull that trigger. It’s so much easier to “put it in god’s hands” or “do it in god’s time”. I’m sorry but I can’t honestly believe there is a god that would want his children to suffer like that. We have all these wonderful medical technologies but all they really do is increase our suffering, and extend it. Once upon a time if a person was dying, they were allowed to go off on their own and die in dignity. Now we are looked on as selfish if we don’t do everything we can to extend our time with those we love. If we are the sick one, we put ourselves through painful procedures that we know will only extend our time of suffering, but the end is the same. We do it for those we love, because we know they do not want to lose us. As the loved ones of those who are suffering, we allow it out of selfishness, because we want more time with them. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t the ones who aren’t suffering be unselfish and want the least amount of suffering for those we love? While those are suffering, shouldn’t they be allowed the dignity and this one act of selfishness to end their life without more pain than necessary?

This last week we found out that we’d need to euthanize one our cats. Even though we knew there was nothing that was really going to help him and that it was the best choice for him, we put it off. We put it off because when we visited him at the vet, he looked fine and acted fine. By yesterday we knew the decision had to be made before he got so sick that he was in constant pain and the vet called and confirmed that it was “time”. He was almost in tears as he told us this. Just as a regular Dr doesn’t ever want to lose a patient, I’m sure that vets feel the same way. Yet, at the same time he agreed that “putting him down” would be the kind thing to do for our cat. I can’t say I ever thought it would be easy, but I never thought it would be as hard as it was. We chose not to stay while they did they it, but walking out of that room and leaving my cat behind, still alive, was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done. After crying my eyes out I realized that keeping him around would have been a purely selfish act. That being the one to say “yes it’s the best thing we should do it” was actually an unselfish thing to do. Not only was it unselfish it was right. When I walked out of that room, I was hurting for my loss, I was crying for me. It would not have hurt less had he died “in god’s time”, I just would not have made the choice.

I know that when the time comes and it’s my turn to go, I don’t want to suffer. I’m selfish that way. I don’t want to go through long treatments that will only prolong my life and extend my pain. I want it to end. I hope that by that time we will have more choices available to us and that the choice of not being in pain is not looked at as the “wrong” choice.

I’ve watched too many people be denied the choice to die in peace. You can have a “living will” all you want but that doesn’t mean they won’t put you on oxygen and allow it to keep you alive as long as possible. My grandmother kept taking her oxygen mask off, she was ready to go, she had a living will but it didn’t cover oxygen. The nurses kept putting it back on, so it took her two weeks longer to die… two weeks after she declared she was ready to go, two weeks of extended suffering, two weeks of failed kidneys and bloating and pain, two weeks of her not even understanding where she was or who the people around her were most of the time. But, the one thing she did know was that she was ready to go. That’s the one thing she kept repeating during those two weeks. She kept calling to God to take her, to end her suffering; she kept asking everyone who came in the room if she could go yet (go to heaven). She even asked for a cigarette at one point hoping that if she started smoking again she would die faster. My grandfather made the choice to take himself off of dialysis, despite knowing he’d be dead in two weeks, simply because he didn’t want to live with the added pain of going through dialysis time and again for the rest of his life (however long that may have been). I would make the same choice he made.

I spend most days in pain, but I know that it could be much worse. I know that I still have a lot of life left in me and a lot that I can do. I’m not looking to end my life anytime soon. But, I do know that when the time comes that I am faced with the choice between doing nothing more than living in pain or dying with dignity, I’ll choose death every time. The one thing that scares me is that I will either be physically unable to end my own suffering, or that if I try to do so I will fail. With those fears I can understand why someone would ask for help from someone who knows the way to end the suffering with the least additional pain.

Kevorkian didn’t believe (and neither do I) that anyone and everyone should be “helped” or that it is up to us to make the choice for others. It’s a hard call to make. We are all “terminally ill” in some way, life is the greatest of terminal illnesses, and it is unavoidable, but we should all be allowed the right to die with dignity.