Turning Fear into Gratitude

It’s amazing the number of times that I run across a book on my Kindle that downloaded years ago only to finally read it and think “Wow I’m glad I waited!” It’s not that the book wasn’t amazing but that what I learned from the book was something I needed when I finally read it. I likely wouldn’t have been ready for it if I’d read it earlier.

Such, was the case when I recently read Everything I Know by Paul Jarvis. I picked this book up about two years ago when it was available for free. With so many books on my Kindle and with school books using up most of my non-fiction reading time it took me a while to get around to it. When I finally opened it I had no idea what to expect.

What I found was a book that spoke to me on many levels, but one topic in particular really stood out to me. It was the topic of fear and how fear often keeps us from doing what we should.

When I started reading this book I was at the beginning of a brand new business venture. Back in January I created a new network for bloggers focused on chronic illness. My goal with Chronic Illness Bloggers to create something that would allow me to create an income out of my blog while at the same time helping other bloggers do the same. What most readers don’t realize is that MOST blogs don’t make any money at all. Very few get rich off their blogs. Most of us just want to make enough to pay the hosting fees and earn a little income. This is especially true for those of us with chronic illness. A few end up making a living off of things related to their blogs (speaking engagements, books, health coaching). We all just want to share what we’ve learned and help others.

As I began this new venture I was scared. I finally finished school in January and now I had to really prove that I could create some sort of income on my own or I’d have to attempt to work a “normal” job, and after my last semester in school I really didn’t think I could handle a 40-hour work week on someone else’s schedule. So, this network was my answer to allow me to continue to focus on writing, and still make an income.

To say that I was afraid was an understatement. I was afraid I couldn’t make it work (it still remains to be seen). I was afraid that no one would be interested, that it would take too much of my time and energy, that it might work and take too much time of my time and energy. That it would work but not fast enough. I was just simply afraid and that fear was creating anxiety that was eating away at me.

So, when I hit the section on fear in Everything I Know, it spoke right to the heart of what I was feeling.

Fear is losing what you might already be grateful for having, so let gratitude shine through that kind of fear.” – Paul Jarvis

Profound statement and honestly something I’d never really thought about. If you are afraid of something then that means you have something worth losing, and therefore something to be grateful for. Wow! So, that got me thinking about what I fear and what I have to be thankful for.

I fear losing the health I’ve rebuilt. So, I am thankful for having the level of health that I currently enjoy. It’s a much higher level of health than I experienced during the worst couple of years. Funny, at that point I had little left to fear in regards to my health. I am thankful that I have been able to rebuild my health to the level it is.

I fear losing my husband. I have an amazing husband that loves me. We’ve certainly struggled through our 10 years together, but we continue to push through. The idea of not having him is one of my biggest fears. I am thankful that I have him, that he loves me.

I fear not having friends. I don’t have a ton of friends, but I have some amazing friends. There was a time not long ago when I still wanted to be popular, to have lots and lots of friends. Chronic illness changed that and taught me that it’s definitely not quantity that matters. What matters is the quality of my friendships. I’m thankful for the amazing friends that I have.

I fear not being enough. This is an odd fear, but I so want to help others and be there for others that I’m pretty hard on myself if I can’t be. Therefore I am thankful that others have shown me appreciation in many ways to let me know that I am helping them and that I am doing something meaningful.

I fear not having the approval of others. This is probably my stupidest fear. I don’t know why I need the approval of others, but I do. Probably the person I most fear losing the approval of is my mother. I’m 40 years old but I still respect her and value her opinion enough to want her approval. I’m thankful for an amazing mother who believes in me and supports me in so many ways.

I fear speaking in front of people. It’s not that I can’t do it. I can do it well when I feel comfortable with my topic. I think this falls in the same category as fearing not having the approval of others. On the other hand, I’m thankful for the opportunities that I get to speak in front of people. I’m thankful that I have something to share that others find valuable.

I fear not living a full life. I don’t want to be someone who on my deathbed regrets the things I didn’t do. I want to look back and know that I lived a full life and took the opportunities I was granted. I am thankful that so far I have been able to do that. There are opportunities I have missed, and there are things I regret not having done, but I still have time. I’ll never be able to do it all, but I’m thankful for the many opportunities that I have been blessed with.

I’m thankful that Paul Jarvis took the time to write this look book, and that he offered it for free (even for a short while). I’m thankful that I was paying attention that day and scooped it up, and I’m thankful that I waited to read it until just the right moment when I needed the message inside it.

I’m thankful for each of you who are reading this right now. And, I hope that you realize how amazing you are and how much you have to be thankful for.