FibroFacialGirl recently posted about a HuffPost article that ticked her off. It was about a woman who realized she was no longer the woman her husband fell in love with, and set out to change things. FibroFacial girl talked about how that situation just adds that much more pressure to those of us living with chronic illness.
Coupledom is a fair bit of work even if the marriage is healthy and both people are still committed and happy. Add in a dose of crushing exhaustion, chronic migraine, constant widespread pain, neuropathy, screwed up arms, heart issues, and a few more odd issues for good measure, and my balancing act has become some sort of demented juggling farce.
I’d say this is likely true for every one of us living with chronic illness. It’s just one more thing that changes who we are. But, one positive thing that this HuffPost piece reminded me of is that no one is the person they used to be. We are all constantly changing, chronically ill or not, I doubt that anyone can look back and say “I’m just the same as I was 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago” and if you can maybe there’s a problem.
The point of life is to grow and change. Yes, along the way we may lose some things we wish were still there, we may even become someone we don’t recognize, or we may look back and see evidence of a life that was and think “who is that person?” There may be some things we can change to return some positive aspects we may have lost; but, overall we all change, and we should change. Change in itself is not a bad thing, change is a sign of growth.
Of course, with chronic illness comes change that we’d rather avoid. There are things we look back on and wish we could have aspects of that life back. There may be some ways that we can, but isn’t it more important to look at the life we have and try to find the beauty in it? Find our growth and embrace it? I’m not the girl who loves loud concerts, and crowded places, or goes on hikes that last all day anymore, but I’m now a woman with new passions. I may be limited by pain and not able to enjoy the life we EXPECTED to have together, but I am the woman who can still love the life we have.
[Tweet “I am no longer the person I once was, but that is not a bad thing.”]
fibrofacialgal says
Change is good, very good in fact. Living under the weight of expectations of never changing with time and circumstance is not. We all need to evolve, whether chronic illness is on board or not.
Julie says
I think something that happens with all of us, is that it’s easier to admit that it’s ok for us to change then it is to admit that it’s ok for someone else to change. I agree, we all have to be willing and able to change with what life gives us; chronic illness or not, there will be changes.