Those of us with chronic illness often spend a lot of time and energy on envy. We envy the lives that others have. We envy their health, the ease with which they seem to live, their ability to do all the things. However, often we don’t stop and take notice of what we have and think about whether we’d really want their life if we COULD have it.
I’m currently reading The Happiness Project, and it’s made me think about a lot of things. One of her commandments to herself was “Be Gretchen” (the author is Gretchen Rubin). During the month of May she focused on fun and finding things she enjoyed. One of the things she realized in doing so is that what one person enjoys, another does not. So, while she often found herself envious of those who travel all over the world, go to the opera, etc. She realized that she really didn’t enjoy those things even when she could do them. That got me thinking about how often we are envious of things that we don’t really even want, or wouldn’t want if we had them. We are only envious because someone else has them and we don’t. How silly is that!?
I’d love to be one of those bloggers that finds the uber-cool images for every post (or creates them). I have no idea where they get them. Unfortunately, that’s not me. I’d love to be able to write fiction, but I suck at it. I’d love to enjoy playing pool with hubby, but I don’t enjoy it. I can enjoy it for the ten minutes between drink number two and drink number three, then I’m done. I wish I could enjoy programming and business classes, but those just aren’t topics I enjoy. So, I focus on the things I do enjoy and can do.
[Tweet “You can only be who you are – So be the best You You Can Be!”]
On the other hand, there are a lot of things that each of us would love to do, and would enjoy doing, but we can’t. I know I would love to be able to get out and play tennis or golf with Paul. I would love to travel all over the world. I’d love to get season tickets to our local Broadway theater league. Granted I could do that last one, but I’d have to find someone to go with me, because Paul is smart enough to “Be Paul” and he knows (and I know) that he does not musicals. So, while I can’t physically get out and play tennis or golf, or travel as much as I’d like to, there are things that I can do and that I do enjoy. And, it’s up to me to seize those things, and to BE JULIE, as much as I can be. Sitting around moaning over all the things I can’t do does me no good, and I’m not being the best me I can when I do that. However, I can be creative and go in my cra-fice and make some sort of art project. I can jump in the car for a road trip with Paul and visit a winery. I can take a class (or two). And, I should do all of those things to be me. I can only be the Julie that I can be. I can’t be the Julie I wish I was, so I need to focus on being the best version of myself that I can, rather than wasting my life regretting all the things I’m missing.
[Tweet “Don’t waste your life regretting what you can’t do. Seize what you can do and do it!”]
Just a thought.
So, what do you enjoy doing that you are still able to do? Do you take the time to do it as much as you’d like?
Rebecca says
This is such a great book. I read it a few years ago and it really gave me a lot to think about. I need to reread it and reapply some of the things that she talked about. Thanks for the reminder to “Be Becky”
Julie says
Gladly! If you get a chance I just read another really awesome book (that I’ll be talking about in future posts) – Nothing Changes Until You Do by Mike Robbins.
Donna Grant says
You and I seem to be very much on the same page with our frame of mind at the moment- being positive and focussing on our own happiness (I’ve really been enjoying reading all of your recent posts). Too many people think they can’t do this or that and envy other people. But you are so right when you say even if we could do something we might not enjoy/want to do it anyway. So why the jealousy? I think it’s important to find something you love and are passionate about. For me it’s photography- I’m a little bit obsessed with my camera and drive everyone around me demented with my photography chat but it’s honestly given me a new sense of purpose & drive. I’m so grateful to my husband for buying me a dslr for Christmas. I think we need to look at ourselves more and look to improve our own lives if we are unhappy. It’s very easy to blame our illness for everything we can’t do but that’s no way to live. You need to turn it around and look at all the things you can do and appreciate that.
Julie says
Absolutely! It’s so funny as I read your comment I found myself thinking “photography: I’ve always wanted to do that.” It’s not like I can’t. I find myself taking photos of random things all the time with my phone (or whatever camera I have handy). It’s something I do enjoy but I’ve never gotten into the way that you have (and that’s ok). But, it’s things like that that remind us of what we do enjoy and could focus more on, if we chose to. Thank you for sharing, and for being another positive influence for me.
Toni Dawn says
This one really hit home. Just a couple of days ago, my daughter asked me what I like to do for fun – and I had no answer. Turns out, she’s struggling with the same thing. Somebody asked her what she likes to do for fun, and she felt lame because her idea of fun is curling up in a blanket and watching stuff on Netflix. So we had this whole conversation about the difference between “fun” and “relaxing,” It ended with maybe relaxing is fun and we’re just laid back, boring people. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, I guess. I don’t know. I need to come up with a list of things I like to do, and then do more of that.
Julie says
I have such a hard time with that question. But, I agree relaxing IS fun. Given a block of time to myself to do whatever I want, a blanket and a book or a blanket and Netflix sounds perfect to me.
But, sitting here thinking about it here’s a few that I can think of:
Spending time with my real friends playing a game like Cards Against Humanity.
Playing Poker (online or in person).
Table games at the Casino
Tastings at wineries (when it’s not too crowded).
Reading comments on my blog.
Learning something new
Listening to music