16 Things People with Fibromyalgia Need to Stop Doing
Living with fibromyalgia, we are often told what we should and shouldn’t do. It gets tiring taking advice all the time, especially when that advice often comes without understanding. I’m hoping that the list below is a bit different for you.
This list is based on the 30 Things We All Need to Stop Doing article written by Marc & Angel. I couldn’t disagree with their advice, but I also felt there were quite a few items that were specific to living with chronic illness. These are things that everyone does to some extent, but they are things that can definitely make use feel even worse as we live with fibromyalgia and other chronic illnesses.
1. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – If you have any sort of chronic debilitating condition, you need to put your own needs first. Even if you are the healthiest person on the planet, you shouldn’t let your needs go to the back of the line. Since Fibro is most common among women, this is especially true as women seem to be trained that their needs should come last after their husband, children, church, jobs, volunteer effort and anything else that could possible come before them. It’s any wonder we give ourselves any time at all; sadly, too many of us don’t.
You can't help others until you've first taken care of your own needs. Share on X
2. Stop spending time with the wrong people.- If someone is adding stress to your life, that stress is making you sick. Remove the stress by removing that person. You may not be able to completely remove them, but you can choose to avoid them when possible.
3. Stop holding grudges. – Holding a grudge is an unnecessary stress. It causes us to create negative thoughts about a person when we do think of them and to only focus on those negative thoughts, when we should be trying to find ways to focus on more positive things. Let go of the grudge. You’ll still think of the person on occasion, but when you do just shrug it off and replace the thought with a thought of someone you care about that makes you smile.
4. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – The ability to say “No” is a highly under-rated one. Too often those of us with Fibromyalgia are likely to be unable to say “No”, feeling guilty when we can’t or won’t say “yes”. We can’t be everything to everyone, we can’t even be everything to ourselves and we don’t have to be.
5. Stop lying to yourself. – You are sick, admit it. You don’t feel great. Someone else asks and you answer with “I’m OK” but it’s not the truth. It’s not the truth when you say it to them and it’s certainly not the truth when you say it to yourself.
6. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Most people don’t care enough about you to care about your disease or disorder or why you can’t do what you can’t do. Keep it simple, just say “no” and move on. Don’t try to explain why you can’t do it, because they probably aren’t listening anyway.
7. Stop trying to hold on to the past. – While you may be able to find ways to improve your symptoms, you’ll likely never be 100% again. There will always be limits. Stop trying to re-attain the levels of life you had before your illness and realize that was then and this is now. Focus on what you CAN do instead of what you used to be able to do.
Focus on what you CAN do instead of what you used to be able to do. Share on X8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – Guilt and blame are our constant friends. Stop beating yourself up over things you’ve done in the past (or things you wish you had done but didn’t). It’s in the past, let it go and move on. Again, focus on what you can do in the future.
9. Stop being jealous of others. – It’s so easy to be jealous of what others have or what others can do. Little do we realize that they have limitations, too. No one sees the true life of another, their abilities or disabilities, their limits. Don’t judge your life based on the “Jones”, real or imagined. Focus on what you have that is wonderful.
10. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Seriously! It’s ok to throw a pity party once in a while, but it should never last for more than 5 minutes and you should never invite friends. Focus on the positives in life, there are many.
11. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – How many times have we heard that we should “stop and smell the roses”. You don’t really appreciate those small things until you can’t do them anymore. So, take a few moments each day and really think about the small things you were able to enjoy. Write them down so you can look back on them later when you are contemplating that pity party.
You don't really appreciate the small things until you can't do them anymore. Share on X12. Stop trying to make things perfect. – They already are. Ok, maybe they aren’t perfect, maybe they can even be better than they are now. But the point is that you need to focus on reality instead of perfection. Take small steps to improve things and get closer to the idea of what you want your life to be like, and not constantly worrying about how far from perfect you still are.
13. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – Everything is NOT OK, and it’s ok to tell the truth. When a real friend or someone who really cares about you asks how you are, be honest. Stop answering with “I’m fine” because you aren’t.
It's ok to admit that everything is not ok. Share on X14. Stop worrying so much. – You feel like life is out of control, and it is so don’t worry about it. Let life be what it’s going to be. Control the things you can control and let the rest go. Constant worrying will only make you feel worse.
15. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – You don’t want to wake up tomorrow in a flare, so it’s all you think about and you end up keeping yourself from sleeping, which results in waking up in a flare. Sound familiar? Well, stop it. Instead of thinking “I don’t want…” think “I want….”. Focus on the good nights rest you know you WILL get and how great you know you will feel tomorrow because you made the right choices about the things that ARE in your control.
16. Stop being ungrateful. – Be grateful, every minute of every day. There is something wonderful to be grateful for. Say “Thank You” for the small things and mean it. Instead of getting upset that someone did something that you intended to do because it made you feel “useless” or like they thought you weren’t doing your part, be thankful that they just freed you up to do something else you wanted to do.
I probably could have worked in all 30 of the original list, but these are enough. Which of these do you need to work on in your life? What have you found it important to stop doing to feel better? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
This article is based on 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself. As I read it, I couldn’t help but think just how true so many of them were and thought that there were certain ones that were especially appropriate for those of us suffering from Fibro, CFS and other debilitating conditions.
If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy these posts:
- 8 Things those with chronic illness Need to Know
- 10 Things You Should Never Say to Someone with Fibromyalgia
- 11 Things those with Chronic Illness Need to Do
- 11 Misconceptions the Chronically Ill have about Themselves
Please sign up for my newsletter to be notified of future posts you may enjoy.
Beth says
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia when my 3rd and last child was about 2 yrs old (in 1999). It was again confirmed by a rheumatologist in 2015. It’s horrible and I believe I’ve had it all of my life. As a child, I had horrible pain that our dr called “growing pains” but none of my family or friends had ever suffered with growing pains like I had. Being diagnosed was a relief … finally a name for what I had! Unfortunately not many people, unless they also have it, understand it. My husband tries to be understanding and for the most part is sympathetic. Two of my three daughters also have been diagnosed with it. And my elderly mother has it, as well as my oldest sister. I believe it is hereditary. I agree with your post and do all the suggestions already. I’m on disability due to fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, OCD, CPTSD, and a few others. It’s a struggle everyday and especially during flares. I have very few friends, in fact most of my “friends” are family members.
DIANE says
I also have fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed at age 50 but for ten years I had everyday migraines. I really wanted to scream. Then at 50 my whole body went into turmoil. Yep none of my family believed me. As a matter of fact I was mocked because they saw nothing wrong. I too had to cut back in my job. I used to play the guitar in our choir but had to quit that. Couldn’t figure out why my arms were in so much pain that night. Then it hit my legs too. I think the weather and over working flares me. I say one day at a time and I so look forward to going to bed each night. Now isn’s that pathetic. I can laugh at this statement but it’s so true. God bless us all especially you young ones who have children and need to care for them.
Gailswartzell says
These statements mean a lot. I have a hard time relating my issues to others. Even my family doesn’t understand what my body goes thru. This should help going forward. I don’t want to give a lengthy explanation when I can’t do everything. I suffer with copd too, so it is a double whamny.
Nancy says
I would say number 1. I’m a only daughter and I’m a caretaker for my mother, she will be 98 years of age this coming September. In my life she has always been first, but I have come to the point where I fine myself I can’t do it anymore, I feel exhausted, burn out, like I don’t want to do it anymore because of the situation I’m very depressed but I’m under psychiatrist therapy. I thought of making a trip to my cousin to take some time off, but it’s beginning to look like a difficult idea I’m putting positive thoughts to the idea . Hopefully it’ll work out.
Krystian says
I’m struggling so much trying to learn about my new limits. It’s so frustrating not knowing if I’ll be able to walk when I wake up due to pain or weakness. I’m learning to treat myself with kindness and to enjoy the minutes of relief.
Ladrhesa says
i do all of these above now I am in a flare. These last 3 months especially this year has been awful and because of the stress i am in high levels of pain. I need to put my first take care of me first. so i need to stop doing 14 of these things.
Julie says
Definitely have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.
Barbara Davies says
Hello I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2005. The lead up to the diagnosis was chronic pain to the point where one day I couldn’t get out of bed. Since the age of 7 I had always been a very sporty person and played all types of sport as well as coaching until I was well into my 40’s. Suddenly I had the diagnosis and was given a list of all the things I couldn’t do. I spent a week in deep sorrow. Then I decided no one or nothing was writing me off. I read everything and was lucky to find someone who is an expert in tackling fibromyalgia. I live in the UK and fortunate for me so does she. I changed my diet started doing the exercises designed to help with the pain not make it worse. I meditate and now at the age of 63 still work full time. At the time of my diagnosis I was having flare ups every other day. My rheumatologist said I had full blown fibromyalgia and all of the associated conditions IBS, sinus problems etc. I was so determined to get the best out of my life and myself. I looked at all the friends I had at thar time and for those that were there just for me to continously help them I ended the friendships. Those that remained were far healthier and more well balanced. My attitude is everyone has two choices either get on with life or don’t. Listen to your body, ask for help, understand your condition and be grateful for all the things you can still do forget what you have lost. I go to hydrotherapy weekly and with people that have a mixture of conditions, we all support each other. I still have bad days but I’ve always known I would. Life is still life even with fibromyalgia.
zoey says
I would never say so as rudely as the commenter above – but I do find this article contradicts itself, and is demanding fibromyalgia patients be “the perfect patients” – always have realistic expectations, abandon our former goals without complaint, and both be truthful about our experience, but again – without complaining? I’m gonna go take a bath, cuddle my cats, cry as much as I want, whenever I want, do my work, speak the truth when I feel I want to – and count surviving the day a victory.
Lana Gilbert says
Thank you so much for the eye info and the things we should not do as Fibro and chronic fatigue patients. It has been a nightmare. Learning to accept and live with it. So glad we can possibly call it something besides a “syndrome”,
Julie says
I hope that day comes soon. Thanks for stopping by and I hope I’ll hear more from you.
Veronique says
Hi Julie,
I just found your blog through Pinterest and so appreciated your words. Having the courage to spell it out and say the hard stuff – like not lying to ourselves. While I have sometimes struggled to accept and surrender to the fact that I have debilitating fatigue, I’ve come to learn that surrendering doesn’t actually mean giving up, or being passive, or stopping. These concepts just mean learning to be okay with things just as they are and to keep acknowledging what is true. Just for today. While I keep exploring – inside and outside – how to find my way through.
I have found it hugely important to keep revealing myself and where I am and how I am feeling. Not to everyone, everyday, but more and more to closest friends. It turns out they care and want to know. And a little info can go a long way. I especially share what I’m feeling with my husband, as ongoing communication has become a huge part that enables us to support one another and accept this challenge in our lives (I have chronic fatigue). He, and now we, often think of it as the third person in our marriage. It’s not what I would have planned, but it’s okay and WE are more than okay. I am continuing to work hard to face the fears and trust the intuition. Thanks for your post!
Julie says
Thank you for sharing. You are right opening up does help in a lot of ways, as hard as it can be to do just that.
Kathy says
Veronique I so concure with everything you have said. It could have been me writing it, only I find it hard to find the right words. You so susinctly said what I am unable to.
Not Sharing. says
This article is quite rude and contradicts itself several times over. Get a grip.
debb Stoll says
Get a grip?? Clearly you do not suffer from fibromyalgia. I know that you could not possibly understand this disease. I work with this everyday. My co-workers know I have it but don’t understand. I keep my issues within me so I suffer alone. No one cares to hang out with someone that is a downer everyday. I just hope you try and have a little bit of empathy for those of us who really do suffer from this disease. Thanks for your time debb
Julie says
Debb,
I’m sorry you feel you have to keep your pain to yourself. I know we all do to an extent, it’s easier (mentally) not to focus on it, but we shouldn’t have to avoid the topic to make others feel better.
Jenn says
So true!!!
Tracy Bennett says
Get a grip??? I pray that you don’t wake up one day and be forced to change your life, your goals and your dreams. Having Fibromyalgia and many other issues that go along with this disease/illness. You ought to be more supportive of others feelings. That is ok that you don’t care about others shows me what type of person you are. Not the kind of person I want in my life.
Julie says
I actually do have Fibromyalgia and I did wake up one morning forced to change my plans for life. I spent 3 years doing nothing but focusing on my pain, and then one day I woke up and said I’d had enough and I was willing to do anything. For me that means a major lifestyle overhaul, diet, exercise, changes in meds, the works, but most of all a change in my attitude and how I approach life. I care a great deal about others, which is why I do my best to share with others what I’ve learned and what has helped me. I’m sorry you found my post offensive and unhelpful, I hope that one day you are able to find relief for your pain. And, yes, I still hurt every day – I just choose to not focus on it.
Julie says
Sorry Tracy – when I saw your post I didn’t realize initially that you were replying to the previous comment, so I misread your post.
rose lorigan says
Impressive and make one who is dealing with and timeof Iillness stop and think