As important as it is to learn how to say “no”, there are always going to be times when saying “no” just isn’t an option. I’ve had a few of those lately and I can’t say they’ve necessarily come out to my benefit in the short term. I can only hope that the long term outcome of these situations makes up for what short term negatives I felt from them.
At the end of July, my bath got interrupted by my hubby telling me he was heading to the hospital. His mom had fallen and hurt her arm while taking care of his aunt. We weren’t sure what the situation was at the time, but he let me know later that she had broken her arm and would be coming home with him. Of course she would, neither of us thought twice about it. She lives about an hour away and with a broken arm she couldn’t go home and take care of herself, so she’d stay with us. We didn’t know for how long, but it turned out to be three weeks. Those three weeks were much harder on me than any of us would have guessed they’d be. Initially, I tried to keep to my schedule and do my morning workouts and eat right, but as time went on it got harder and harder and I began feeling worse and worse. By the last week she was with us, I spent 4 out of the 7 days in bed, all day; something I’d rarely ever done before her visit. Part of it was that the days I might have spent in the living room on the couch I preferred the bedroom as I could be alone and have complete control over the tv, but the bigger part was just not even feeling like getting out of bed.
Once she was doing better and other family situations had resolved, my mother in law was able to leave and stay with her sister again, and my situation began to improve again. I’m still not back where I’d like to be, but I’m doing much better. As bad as those few weeks were on my physical state, I think in the long-term those three weeks will be great for our (my husband and my) relationship with my mother-in-law. I learned a lot more about their relationship and I think they learned more about each other.
This week, another situation occurred where saying “no” wasn’t an option. I woke up to a call from my mom that something had happened with my (step) Dad. He’d called 911 and the paramedics had come out but he hadn’t wanted to go to the ER. They’d told him he shouldn’t stay alone, but when she’d called back no one had answered. Not knowing if he’d gone ahead to the ER or if he just wasn’t answering, she asked me to go over there and check on him. They live about 10 minutes away, so I hopped in the car and drove over there, without stopping to take a shower or anything. He had been taken to the hospital, so once I let my mom know that I went home and took a shower then headed to the hospital myself. I stayed with them until I knew everything was ok. It is, thank goodness. I’ve been sick all week with some sort of viral thing, but was starting to feel better. I would have preferred to spend the day on the couch, but being with them was more important and in this case my mental sanity (and not feeling guilty) is much more important than my physical state.
We all have times like this, where we have to chose what’s “right” over what we may really feel like doing, or what might be best for us physically. Some of us have more options than others. Some of us have very few options, as taking care of others is our job (whether as a parent or as a paid job). We just have to remember to take some time for ourselves so that those times we have to give to others don’t take everything we have. Whether you are a mom or just have a job that you have to do every day, make sure you take some time for yourself ever day. Take a nice long bath, or just shut yourself away in a room and make it clear that that’s “yoru time” and read a book, relax, listen to some music or just do some meditation and reset your mind.
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