I’ve heard a lot of reasons from people about why they could never do what I’ve done and change their diet in order to feel better, I’ve only heard one that was honest. She said “Julie, I really admire what you are doing, but I just couldn’t do it. I’m too lazy.”. Yeah, me too. Or, at least I was a year ago. A year ago I had every excuse in the book for why diet wouldn’t help me feel better. But, eventually, I got to a point where I’d had more bad days than I was willing to accept and I was finally willing to TRY ANYTHING to make them go away.
It’s been 4 months since I made some major changes to my diet and have seen some major changes in how I feel. I continue to feel better and I continue to realize new things that affect my health. No, my life isn’t perfect and yes I still have occasional bad days. BUT, I feel better than I’ve felt in four years. I’m able to work more and regularly. Instead of maybe working a few hours a week, I’m working as much as I want to. I actually have to make myself stop working in order to get other things done. My sex life is back to normal (tmi,whatever). I actually feel like going out and doing things with my husband instead of sending him out alone so that he doesn’t have to see me feeling like crap.
Last week he went to Vegas without me. There were many reasons I did not go with him to visit one of my favorite places. He was going for a tournament and would be busy playing pool a good portion of the time he’d be there. I’ve been to Vegas alone and I didn’t want that feeling again. But, mostly it was the knowledge that in 2 weeks we are going to Jamaica and I didn’t know how well I’d be able to stick to my diet in Vegas, where I’d be relegated to eating at whatever restaurants were in the hotel we’d be staying at (which, unfortunately, wasn’t exactly in the middle of the strip). I didn’t want to risk going backwards right before Jamaica. People who don’t really know what I’ve been through were completely baffled that I didn’t go with him. Those who do, totally “got it”.
The funny thing about this trip to Jamaica is that I planned this trip in the midst of the serious depression that I went through last summer. Planning this trip (for our 5th anniversary) is probably what kept me going through that time. It was the one thing I was looking forward to. That said, I had no idea how I’d feel and knowing that I might not feel like doing anything but lying on the beach, that was the basis for the resort I chose. Looking at it now I’m also glad that there is a ton of other things to do there (all included in the price); things like skiing and scuba diving and para-sailing. I’ll definitely be trying all of those things. I’m also happy to know that the resort has a juice bar (so I can stick to my morning routine) and I’ve already contacted the resort about my dietary restrictions so that I can continue to stay away from the grains and dairy, without issues.
So, yes I’m still on my “diet”, although I have a hard time calling it that as it really is a lifestyle change and something that I intend to be permanent. I’m not willing to CHOOSE to go back to a life of pain and depression on a full time basis. Yes, I screw up and eat things I shouldn’t on occasion and I pay for it the next day (or sometimes the same day). I make those choices and I know I’m making them. I accept those bad days and then I ask myself why the hell I did that!